Loving myself. Because of, and in spite of

I hate that there is a version of you that feels unlovable, feels undeserving or less than. I hate that the world encouraged you to see yourself through a distorted lens and I hope somewhere somehow at your own pace you begin to tell yourself a new story.

The story where you are worthy of all the great things life has to offer you, where you see all your beauty even in the imperfections.  

I often thought self love meant being loud about all the things I loved about myself, it meant shouting all my praises and filling myself full of compliments and wearing confidence like armour. And sometimes it is that. But in my journey I discovered a different version of self love one that aligned more closely with my soul, one that spoke to my heart and silenced the criticism. It felt more honest, it didn’t demand attention, validation or noise. It allowed me to exist as I am, as all I ever was. It was a forgiving and accepting love, it was the greatest love I ever gave myself because it didn’t come with any conditions or expectations. I allowed myself to exist in my own world exactly as I was, I no longer yearned a future version of myself to replace the present self, I gave myself all the love as I was. 

Self love was about healing my soul, not feeding my ego. It was about learning how to gently care for the parts of me that were exposed to the loudest of criticisms, it was about redefining what beautiful was while also accepting my flaws.

Loving myself because of and in spite of. Not every day is easy, there are definitely days where loving myself is a little more challenging regardless of all the growing I’ve done when it comes to loving myself, but I have stopped chasing and seeking a final destination and instead embraced a journey knowing and believing that I am worthy of all my love not because of some great miracle I can perform or goal I can achieve, loving myself without any reason other than I deserve it.

Self love to me was about acceptance. Acceptance of all the mistakes, failures, successes, achievements, downfalls and imperfections, it was about seeing myself as more than just those things. There was a moment on my journey where quiet self-love felt especially powerful and impactful. It wasn’t dramatic or loud; it came in the moments of solitude where I was able to reaffirm my love for myself. I was sitting alone after a difficult day when a wave of doubt and criticism seeped in. Usually, I would respond in one of two ways: either I’d try to suppress those feelings, or I’d panic. I repressed those emotions because I was scared to express negativity toward myself because it felt like admitting I loved myself less.

I remember someone I deeply cared about once told me I didn’t love myself. It felt like it was used as an insult. I had opened up, shown my raw, unfiltered self, shared my journey of highs and lows; and their conclusion was that I lacked self-love. That really hurt, because at the time, that’s not how I felt about myself and it felt like that conclusion was reached only because of the negative emotions I voiced. From that moment on, I saw any sign of feeling negative things, as something to avoid because it meant I didn’t love myself. So if I sensed even a trace of it within me, I avoided it, afraid it might be true and it meant I didn’t love myself.

But then, the quiet self-love showed up, not as something to prove or defend, but simply for me. Instead of fighting my feelings or trying to fix myself, I allowed myself to be, expressing whatever I was feeling without judgment. I felt a gentle calm wash over me, like a silent hug from within. In that moment, self-love wasn’t about boasting or proving my worth, it was about simply being.

I hope you know, every version of you that exists and has existed is worthy, lovable and precious. Self-love isn’t a mountain you have to climb, a destination you need to reach and there is no timer to finding it or creating it. It’s a journey of small, gentle steps toward accepting yourself. Your worth isn’t tied to your mistakes or successes. It’s in the way you breathe, the way you try, and the way you show up, even on the hard days. When you feel lost or unworthy, remember this: love doesn’t demand or seek perfection, it asks only that you let yourself be seen, just as you are. And that will always be more than enough.

With all my love, you are loved.