Things I needed to hear
In 2023 I made the decision to go to therapy following a very toxic relationship that ended and broke me. I didn’t realise how bad it was till the relationship ended and I felt like I could breathe again, like I could just be me again.
Unfortunately, the relationship I was in didn’t amplify my light, instead it dimmed my light and forced me into a shell. All the things I once loved about myself I no longer saw or expressed.
It was a really dark time for me, I didn’t know how to navigate the situation or how to begin expressing years of repressed emotions and thoughts, so I decided to try therapy. I was initially hesitant because I didn’t want to feel the brokenness let alone admit it, I was afraid of being judged or being perceived as weak or fragile for letting a relationship break me. Thankfully, I realised that my hurt was nothing to be ashamed of. My pride wanted silence, but my soul really just wanted to be heard, without having to over explain, justify or reason my emotions or pain. Without needing to explain why it hurt the way it did.
One of the first things my therapist said to me was ‘what a crappy thing to go through’ and just like that I broke. Not from the pain but for the permission to let my pain exist. I didn’t need to justify my pain, my hurt or my experiences. She simply just heard me and validated my experiences without me ever feeling like I needed to convince her that this situation hurt me, she didn’t need proof of my pain my voice alone was enough- which is what I spent years doing in that relationships trying to convince someone that their actions were hurting me which fell on deaf ears.
I quickly learned how to listen better and I only hoped I could provide that level of validation and comfort to others. After nearly two years of not being heard in that one single moment everything changed and I realised that the wrong person will never hear you, not because you’re hard to understand, complicated or unclear but because they don’t have the capacity to hear beyond their own voice and experiences. I don’t write this with an ego or with the intention to dim someone else’s light I just hope the version of you that wants to be heard finds a place where even the quietest of whispers matter.
Sometimes you don’t realise how bad it is till you leave because you’re simply focused on surviving. I hope you don’t blame the version of you that tried their best to survive in a situation that was trying to break you. The best version of you wasn’t able to thrive not because you’re not worthy, great, amazing but because there was no space or room for all your light.
Things you may need to hear: what a crappy thing to go through. You deserve to be heard without having to shout, you deserve to be loved gently and to take up space and let your light shine. You are not too much or too little you were just in a place that didn’t reflect your greatness.
Healing sometimes starts with being heard and I hope you find spaces and people who listen with their hearts open, who don’t rush your story, who hold you words like they matter, because they do.
With all my love.
