Fighting for my joy

There will be moments and times in your life where you have to fight for your joy and peace and there will be other moments where you forgot you ever had to work so hard to get yourself to a place of peace and happiness. The joy will feel effortless and the peace will be comforting.

Whatever moment you find yourself in right now, I hope you never feel like you’re alone or that the fight is forever. Life will challenge you, I know it has challenged me, it will push you, might occasionally break you, but through it all the good, the bad, the great, the terrible you are still here. Still growing, learning, understanding. Still worthy of all the love, peace and joy your heart seeks.

I remember a time that now feels like a distant memory where I had to be relentless, fighting everyday just to feel okay, just to feel something other than the hurt, disappointment, frustration. I felt like I was drowning in the sea of hopelessness and I couldn’t see beyond the sadness. Life shook me to the core and broke me in places I didn’t know I could be touched.

In the breaking I found my beauty. I found something within me that was mine to have forever, something that the world couldn’t steal. I found my purpose which I previously thought had to be something ‘practical’ but my breaking taught me that my purpose is to love and through that I found a sense of peace and joy. I found a purpose that was bigger than me, bigger than my hurt and it grounded me. It made me feel like even if everything around me was falling apart, as long as I was able to show and give love everything was going to be okay.

Now being on the other side of my pain, the joy I feel today is so full that it makes me forget how much I lost along the way. Not in a way that erases the pain, the lessons, the experiences, but in a way that reminds me just how much beauty can come after breaking thanks to God’s grace, and his purposeful love.

To be carried by his love is to find the smallest glimmer of light in the darkest of moment, and that light is not there to just remind you how dark everything is but rather yet show you that even at your lowest there is still hope, a hope bigger than your disappointment.

Whatever season you’re in, wherever you are in your journey, fight for your joy. You deserve to live a life full of it, not the loud kind, necessarily, but the steady, light, and easy kind.

With all my love.